You asked for your shot to have a comment by one of the members of the Critique club
this is a very clean cut shot. your sharpness is spot on, clarity is good, DOF and POV are very good. IT just does not look HDR and that is really the only problem you have going on here.
The other shot that you put up, is 100% better than this shot in every way. You have the action, the dodge and burn is excellent and the POV is outstanding. But most importantly it does look HDR.
Obviously not made form multiple exposures, unless you had him glued up there. You did a good job of using HDR techniques to pull the scene from what were certainly deep shadows.