Well, should we deduct points because it's a weinerdog instead of a beagle? Nah, I used to have a dachshund myself :-)
The original is a face closeup of a dog. It's not very successful at all. YOur approach was to pull back to see the whole body but incorporate very shallow DOF to keep our attention on the face. This was absolutely a smart thing to do, and you've answered the challenge precisely by producing an endearing pet image that could serve as a textbook teaching example, along with the original, in a "How to Improve Your Photography" book.
An 8 from me, could go up depending on what else I find.
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