I get where you are coming from with the message and I can see the use of B/W to help in that presentation. I think you could have stayed with B/W yet gotten a little more "pop" on this with some levels and contrast adjustments. JMO of course. :-) Good luck in the challenge.
Pretty shot. The focus is a little soft, but it's a nice idea. Maybe some levels to boost the contrast in the black and white? (deepen the shadows a bit).