My first thought is that too much of this is in focus for a shallow DOF challenge. You may have shot with a fairly wide aperture but the result doesn't look like shallow DOF to me. Also the light is a bit harsh with that shadow on her face. Some fill light there would help a lot.
Hmmm... ok, um, red is good. The light could probably be better. The source coming from the right is a bit harsh is all. Not sure I like this point of view either, why am I looking up? Feel like I'm sitting on the floor, kinda awkward. Would also be much more engaging if the model was looking directly into the lens, and, as a minor nitpick, the fan she's holding is back-to-front. Hope this helps, good luck :)
HOT! But I would say poor lighting. You can see where that lighting is coming from which makes her coloring look off, and unbalanced. Also I think that the positoning could be better.
At fisrt sight the DOF seems not to be very shallow. On closer look one can see that the edge of the bed is OOF, but that doesn't add anything to the image. The shadow on her face is a bit unflattering.
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