I think the picture is both too dark and too gray. Please use more contrast when converting to black and white, don't just desaturate. And I don't like to look up people's noses.
It's not working for me, to little contrast. And shot perspective on her neck, better is from above. Gives same "tilted pleasure" feeling but we can see the eyes..and thus emotion.
I understand where you want to go with this, but I think it's not working out in this one. the background distracts too much or at least the frame does.