I like the concept and the positioning but I think your pic suffers from not so great lighting when the pic was taken..Well..If there is bad lighting when the pic is taken it takes down the quality with it..you should have a better lit pic and you can tone it down later in PP..
Comp and dof work well . Text could easily and creativly placed. Lighting seems a bit too subtle that would maybe improved with a little less saturation and a levels adjustment.