The main issue with the original shot in my opinion was the dead centered subject. You've moved the subject just a tiny bit off center, which helps but only slightly. However, the angle you took is more interesting.
Really what would improve the shot the most is shooting it at a much wider angle. In the original you shot with a 50mm lens and I think the lowest you can go is 18mm so you might try some shots with that instead even though it's not one of your better lenses. The thing is most great bridge shots have some kind of extreme angle or composition in them and this bridge is just asking for something like that. For example, having one of those cables shot real close leading you up and away towards the bridge top. Or using your original shot in portrait orientation have the bridge near the top and the multi-color reflections fills the rest of the frame on down. In other words the first thing that grabs the eye's attention place it extremely off centered then have something lead you throughout the rest of the image. In my two examples, it was the cable and the water reflections that would be providing the leading lines.
Now, I don't know the area so a lot of this could be immposible and you've already considered them so just take them as me not knowing the area offering some suggestions. :) As is it's a good image. Good luck!
The composition here is much improved over your original and makes the picture more interesting. You listened to the comments about sharpening, but to me it looks a bit oversharpened. Just my opinion, of course.
I like the small aperture effect on all the light sources, they look good with all the lines in the bridge. I wouldn't mind seeing a little more of the reflections in the water as far as composition goes, though.
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