This certainly would have been a great shot if you managed to give it proper processing. Right now, even the dark shadows are so creamy that you feel like screaming. You have adjusted the tones in to to the point where I am having a hard time trying to understand how you can possibly achieve this. Black is present in a few dots, but the rest is just hazy.
I don't know if it's your monitor that's showing you something different or you have actually chosen to present it this way, but to me it looks really odd. A lot can be done to this image and it can be made so much better. Although I don't know, I feel that calibrating your monitor is the first step.
A nice idea but the shot is a bit flat, try upping the contrast so that it looses the grey overlay look, it will give the shot more punch. Focus looks good.
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