The lighting is not right for me, possibly due to the brightness behind the woman and on the front of the machine over her left shoulder. Her expression doesn't do anything for me. The drink and cigarette props don't add either. Lastly, I don't like the guy in the background, or the angle.
The flash is a bit hard for what looks like a cozy local environment. Diffusing it a little with a napkin would soften the shadows a little, and make the glare on the glass and next to the counter man less prominent. Having her head in the open doorway keeps the busy (but intersting) bg from interfering with the woman, and the slight motion blur there is a good touch. Nicely done.
Hmm... interesting in an eccentric way. The expression on her face is very confronting! It needed better lighting so the tones on her face wouldn't be so washed out.
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