I'm not sure if you intended it or not, but the cropping and the way you did the saturation makes me wonder if the woman in back is stalking the full color one.
I like your use of selective desat. to bring out your focus points, however I think the girl in the foreground competesfor attention that shouldn't be on her.
This quirky shot, which breaks almost every rule, is very effective. To list the several things wrong with it would be pointless, especially as that would overlook the fact that it really works, and is one of this challenge's more creative and memorable images. It ain't beautiful though, and alas will probably not appeal to many. 8.