i don't know anything about portraiture, so i'm using your image to try to figure out what i think i would or wouldn't do in this situation, as well as what i notice and get out of your image.
i know this is a hard shot to take, and i think you've made a nice effort. the lighting is nice, but the focus is a bit soft. that would be ok, but the angle of the head leaves me feeling that you would rather be on the other side of the lens. good luck!
Returning for comment: Nice pose, head angle and colors, and excellent sharpness and lighting. I think the crop is a bit too conservative--it hints of a dynamic, partial face close up crop, but doesn't quite get there. I think I would suggest either cropping closer or less, to include a bit of background. Still very nice work and a photogenic model :)
Something about the lighting doesn't work for me. I don't know why... I also see myself when I see you taking this photo. Trying to smile for the camera. It isn't easy and I can feel that... 6
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