Focus is such an important thing with eyes. IMO they need to be in very sharp focus. There is really nothing here that is in sharp focus. And with eyes, highlights are very important. The eyes here are dark with just a hint of highlight. If you could punch up the highlights a bit, it would improve my reaction to the photo. Sorry to seem negative. I'm relatively new at this and these are just my opinions.
I hesitate to make comments since I am obviously not an expert, but here goes: the photo meets the challenge, but my guess is that it would score higher with a better background and sharper focus.
Nice idea, but the point of focus seems to be on the eye further from the lens. More DOF needed, or a more exact focus. The busy background takes attention away from the face.
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