So 3 days before I leave for England, this very pretty gorgeous girl says, hey wanna shoot. I say ok. she says, I am up in Payson do you travel, i say, usually no, but this time i will make an exception. (She really was lovely looking)
So Saturday morning, I start to travel up there in my little trusty MG, it is only about 90 at this point at 4 am in the morning. I am picking up the MUA on the way up at 6 am.
He texted me at 5.39 am saying his DUI lawyer just called and wants him to go to a meeting with him at 10 am so he can not make it. okay, a lawyer working on a Saturday and calling at 5.39 bloody am, YEAH RIGHT.
So I am nice and say well come up afterwards, i will still PAY you to come up adn for your day. He says OK.
So I poddle along for another 200 miles singing my heart out to the Ipod and cursing the MUA. Got to Payson, actually I drove straight through it it was that small, my little car is purring with pleasure, I'm cool, I look cool, I'm chilling.
It is not as cool as i thought it would be up there, still 95 degrees in teh mountains, no sweat, i still look cool.
The model turns up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! adn with her boyfriend, which is brilliant cos I recrute him to carry crap. He says it is like 10 mins up the road to where we are going.
So an hour later I am sweating my tits off going up the longest bloody hill in my life. We pass the dead elk and turn right. too crowded, go to the special place which hasnt a soul in it. We trudge a MILE to the lake, carrying 2 wedding dresses, 6 evening gowns, 4 formals and 1 ball gown, tripod and one camera bag weighing about 60 pounds by the time I get there.
We do the shoot, she is still the most gorgeous girl ever, but i found after the first 20 mins that she has one expression, one set of arm movements and 1/2 of a pose. We where there for 4 hours.
Trudge all the way back up the hill with wet everything now, get lost and can not find the car, cuss out the bofriend and make him go search for the cars.
Find the cars, turn left at the now very smelly dead elk, go to the hotel. Book in. Get hungry, then my best friend Steve drives up to be with me as he just had to put his dog down and can not stop crying.
Find the local liqour store get a lot of booze for him or rather me to listen to the same thing all over again.
Book two rooms
have dinner brought in from a local resturant, it was gross
Wake up to a do the same model shoot again different locations
Get bored, so wash the car so it glistens and sleek
Phone the MUA, he tells me OFF cos he can not make it as he has no car as he was done for DUI and is scared to drive his car, even though his roomies said they where going to bring him. The whole day is a bust as it was going to be a fantasy day and I can not do the makeup for that,
Call model, she says fine and potters back down to PHX
We leave at 6pm, the super clean, slick, hot men turning head car, starts spluttering, I ride her, she stalls, she starts, I ride her, lose power, try to go faster cos it feels like there is a blockage, pull over go over some really crappy road, she stalls, she starts, we get 20 miles from Payson and she finally dies after going 60 to 20 and 20 to 60 to 20.
Call a tow truck
towed into Phoenix
rental car home as I had left the phone at the hotel and coudnt tell Steve I had broken down and he had zoomed off.
SO:
Gas: $90
Hotel: $110
Crap Food: $75
Deposit on MUA : $100
Car Wash: $11
Tow : $450
Car Fixed : $1997.29
that's just flipping harsh!!! I can totally understand the flaky MUA (had one last week) and the one pose pony... and I'm so happy to have a new car with free roadside assistance... not near as cool as your car mind you, but it holds my boys carseat, and that's the important part :)
...don't forget the dead smelly elk...that's gotta be worth something. ;)
Let's just consolidate for the sake of space:
Dead, smelly elk tits: Priceless!
You forget the word "sweaty" between smelly and elk.
OK--- One last time...
Hotel: $110
Crap Food: $75
Deposit on MUA : $100
Car Wash: $11
Tow : $450
Car Fixed : $1997.29
TOTAL ========$2833.29
Dead, smelly, sweaty elk tits: Priceless!
Cut! Print it. That's a wrap.
Alternate endings:
- Learning what MUA stands for: Priceless! - Making DPCers feel better about themselves by learning of others' misfortunes: Priceless! - 13 shots of a very attractive woman: $2833.29
Damn girl, you have the some of the worst luck... But some of the most hilarious stories! I hope you don't mind all of us laughing at your expense!!
You are the best :)
PJ
here is two shots of two poses that she can do. The other poses and facial expression she can do are , eyes to the left, eyes to the right, closed, up, and straight at you. Her body poses consist of standing, arms out straight, arms at an angle.
I even taught her and showed her how to pose and she still coudnt do it.
And now as for the MUA, I was very proffesional about the whole thing and didnt try to rip his balls out through the phone. I told him I was vastly dissapointed with him and that it was not very proffesional.
SO teh poor little car, well when i washed it, water got into the fuel (high power wash thingy), so i was right about wanting to go faster to clear the blockage, but it was water. the bumpy road, killed my front shocks, i burnt out the spark plugs from over heating the car.
So new front shocks very expensive as they dont' actually make them for this 1975 car
New Sparkplugs
New trigger thing that i hae no idea as to what it does
New fuel pump
Dry out engine.
It was all all right though, cos I knew a few of you would laugh at yet another escapade of mine!!!!
And Bear, wow, that has to be the first compliment I have had from you!!!!!
The funny thing about the dead smelly elk is, I used that the next day as a guide point as to where we had to go, cos I took Steve and his remaining dog there. What I didnt realise when i was frantically looking the dead elk so that we could turn left was that it had exploded from its internal gasses. So needless to say, we passed the dead smelly now exploded elk and drove 50 miles further than we should have. Steve was not impressed, but he is now used to me and knows that nothing can go off without a hitch and if it did then the world would shortly come to end.
Maybe I will tell you all about the aeroplane to England story next time!!! lol
The funny thing about the dead smelly elk is, I used that the next day as a guide point as to where we had to go, cos I took Steve and his remaining dog there. What I didnt realise when i was frantically looking the dead elk so that we could turn left was that it had exploded from its internal gasses. So needless to say, we passed the dead smelly now exploded elk and drove 50 miles further than we should have.
