The DPC network admin, davidc, and langdon, suspected the problem has been with the innodb database, but after some help from me, they've discovered that my original diagnosis of a faulty router is actually the problem.
They've decided it would be prudent to fly me down to the server location so I can pinpoint the problem router and fix it for them. Please be patient while I'm on my flight, and rest assured I will get there and have the site running faster than ever.
Almost had it fixed last night, but then langdon spilled a hot coffee on davidc's lap, which caused him to jump up, banging his head on a shelf. There was a cat sleeping on the shelf, which freaked out & did a Scooby-Doo-run into a large bundle of cables. The cat was immediately electrocuted, and my day's work was ruined.
Once again I had it fixed, and everything was running extremely fast. So fast that if you were on dialup, it would seem like you had high-speed while cruising the DPC site.
davidc & langdon decided it was time to celebrate. davidc pulled out the champaign, and langdon grabbed the glasses. But when davidc popped the cork, it shot up and hit a sprinkler head. That set off the sprinkler system and quickly ruined all my hard work, after having hacked an xbox to use as a router. Luckily I rigged up a temporary solution using coathangers and bubblegum, so we can all enjoy DPC at the usual, wonky speed.
I'm beginning to wonder if my efforts are hopeless.
Today we had some minor success. While Strikeslip was jiggling with the cables on the faulty router, langdon and I sneaked up behind him and hit him on the head with known good one. While he was knocked out cold, we had excellent success in treating the database for innodb dilatory syndrome. In fact things were going so well, we called all our friends to tell them the excellent news. Unfortunately while we were thus engaged, Strikeslip woke up and spotted the known good router. In a fit of glee, he attached it to the dead cat with an elastic band and two bent paperclips. Jubilantly screaming "I've done it, I'm a genius!" he leapt across the room toward the servers with a manic grin on his face. Unfortunately he failed to spot the booby trap we had set up to catch the undefragmented fragments of the Internet that were still roaming the halls.
Friends, I am sorry to report that he was defragmented together with the cat, the known good router, the elastic band and the two bent paperclips. He's now stalking around the parking lot helpfully directing people to the nearest bowl of milk. It's not pretty. We're consulting with Legal to see if we can fire him without the union getting stroppy.
Unfortunately, I know about being defragmented. It happened to me last month when I was jiggling the little wire to the back of my electromechanical DPC update button. A little stray voltage and I defragged all over my chair. We just found the mouse on Tuesday.
Shoulda just used some ball bearings and some 2-in-1 oil...It's all ball bearings these days. :)
Now you prepare that Fetzer valve with some 3-in-1 oil and some gauze pads. And I'm gonna need 'bout ten quarts of anti-freeze, preferably Prestone. No, no make that Quaker State.
Shoulda just used some ball bearings and some 2-in-1 oil...It's all ball bearings these days. :)
Now you prepare that Fetzer valve with some 3-in-1 oil and some gauze pads. And I'm gonna need 'bout ten quarts of anti-freeze, preferably Prestone. No, no make that Quaker State.
and get someone to clean the windshield...it's all covered in guck! :)
Well, davidc and langdon were chasing slippy around the parking lot when i checked on them..... Slippy yelling about Sher's 2 in 1 windshield and giveing laurie aball bearing bath... with the FEMA workers that were given bad maps, we duct taped Slippy to the CN tower, where he started ranting on about going back to the future to celebrate Heida's birthday...I'd stay clear of him for a few days. We have a GO train full of tranquilizers that may help him ... but ... nothing but a blue ribbon will truely help..
