A duck walk into a bar, sits down and asks the bartender, "Got any grapes?"
The bartender says, "No, now order a drink or leave." The duck leaves.
An hour later the duck comes back and asks, "Got any grapes?"
The bartender says, "No, now order a drink or leave." The duck leaves.
An hour later the duck comes back and the bartender says, "If you ask if we have any grapes, I will nail your bill to the bar!"
The duck asks, "Got any nails?"
The bartender says, "No."
The duck says, "Ok then...you got any grapes?"
Three little ducks go into a Bar......
"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.
"Huey," was the reply.
"How's your day been, Huey?"
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey.
"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "Hi, and what's your name?"
"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.
"So how's your day been, Dewey! ?" he asked.
"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?"
The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?"
"No," she said, batting her eyelashes.
"My name is Puddles."
A man walks into a bar and orders 6 shots of whiskey.
As quickly as the barman pours them out, the drinker throws them down his neck one after the other.
"Blimey" says the Barman "you're in a bit of a hurry aren't you?"
Guy walks up to the bartender and bets him 50 bucks he can stand on his head on the bar and piss into a shot glass without getting a drop on the bar. Bartender, thinking it's an easy $50 goes for it. Guy stands on his head on the bar and proceeds to piss on the glass, the bar and the bartender. The guy gives the bartender the fifty and the bartender laughs saying, 'I knew you couldn't do that.'
The guy goes back to his table where the bartender can hear him laughing his ass off. The bartender goes over and asks whats so funny after all he just lost fifty bucks... The guys says 'Yeah, but I bet these guys 100 bucks each that I could piss all over you and you'd laugh about it!'
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe, they proceed to drink heavily and the giraffe passes out. Guy gets up to leave and is walking out the door when the bartender says, "HEY! You can't leave that lyin' there!!" Guys looks at the bartender and says, "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe!!"
One day a little pig walked into a bar. He drank a couple, then got up to leave. he asked the bartender, "Which way to the bathroom?" She answered, "Go down the hall, first door on your left." The pig went to the bathroom and left.
The next day another little pig came into the bar. he also had a few drinks, and asked the bartender where the bathroom was. Again, she told him, "Go down the hall, first door on your left." Again, he went to the bathroom and left.
This went on for another week. One day a pig walked in. he had a few drinks, but he got up and started to walk out. The bartender stopped him and asked, "Aren't you going to ask where the bathroom is?"
The little pig replied "No, I'm going wee wee wee all the way home..."
A large, flat red button shuffles into a bar, slumps down in a stool, and orders a beer. The bar tender delivers the drink, cocks his head sideways at the flat button, and says "You look depressed."
A kangaroo walks into a bar. He orders a beer. The bartender says, "That'll be $10. You know, we don't get many kangaroos coming in here." The kangaroo says, "At $10 a beer, it's not hard to understand."
A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. Just as he is about to drink it, a big guy comes and drinks its beer. The man starts crying.
The big guy snaps him on the shoulder: "oh, c'mon, it's just a beer".
"Yes", replies the man, "but this morning I tried to shoot myself and the gun wouldn't fire, then I tried to hang myself onto a branch and the branch broke and now, I put all the poison I had in that beer and YOU come and drink it".
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender sets the beer down and says, "For you, no charge!"
A proton walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "You sure?" The proton says, "I'm positive!"
An electron walks into a bar, orders a beer and starts complaining to the bartender about his sad life. The bartender says to him, "Don't be so negative!"
A horse walks into a bar and orders and starts drinking a beer. A man walks up to the horse and says, "I bet you $50.00 that I can make you laugh within 60 seconds."
The horse says, "You're on!"
The man whispers in the horse's ear and he immediately starts laughing uproarously.
He then says to the horse, "I bet you double or nothing that I can make you cry within 60 seconds."
The horse says, "OK ... You won the first bet but here is my chance to get even ... you are DEFINITELY on! I accept the bet."
The man says, "OK ... can you just step out the back with me for a few seconds?"
The horse says, "Sure ... Why not?"
They go out the back door and within 30 seconds the man and the horse walk back in and the horse is crying his eyes out and when they get to the bar, the horse drops $100.00 on the bar for the man and walks out leaving his beer hardly touched.
The bartender asks the man, "WTH just went on here?"
The man says, "Well first, to make him laugh, I told him that my dong was bigger than his. Then, to make him cry, I took him out back and proved it.
When an ampere, a volt, and an ohm
Went out drinking with coulomb in Rome,
Volt shot coulomb's drink
Through ohm's straw to the sink
Just to prove he could drive ampere home.
An ampere (one coulomb [KOO-lahm] per second) is the current that flows through the resistance of one ohm when one volt of electromotive force is applied. Current is usually referred to as flowing from source to sink. The sobriety test is poetic license.
When an ampere, a volt, and an ohm
Went out drinking with coulomb in Rome,
Volt shot coulomb's drink
Through ohm's straw to the sink
Just to prove he could drive ampere home.
An ampere (one coulomb [KOO-lahm] per second) is the current that flows through the resistance of one ohm when one volt of electromotive force is applied. Current is usually referred to as flowing from source to sink. The sobriety test is poetic license.
You do understand, don't you, that those of us who are laughing at most of these jokes have no idea what you just said?
When an ampere, a volt, and an ohm
Went out drinking with coulomb in Rome,
Volt shot coulomb's drink
Through ohm's straw to the sink
Just to prove he could drive ampere home.
An ampere (one coulomb [KOO-lahm] per second) is the current that flows through the resistance of one ohm when one volt of electromotive force is applied. Current is usually referred to as flowing from source to sink. The sobriety test is poetic license.
You do understand, don't you, that those of us who are laughing at most of these jokes have no idea what you just said?
But, there are those of us that are in electronics that do get it, understand it, and laugh at it! :-)
Two guys are in a bar. One guy drinks something and jumps out the window. He flies around and comes back in. The other guy says, " How did you do that?"
The guy says, "It is this special drink, it makes you fly."
The other guy says, " Bartender, give me the same drink he has."
He drinks the drink, jumps out the window and falls to his death.
Then the bartender says, "Man, superman's mean when he's drunk."
A priest meets a drunk outside a bar. The drunk claims to be Jesus. The priest disagrees, the man insists. Finally, the priest says, "how can you prove it?" The man, says "come with me." They go inside the bar. The bartender says, "Jesus Christ, not you again."
